I remember the first time I picked up the Twilight books.  It was in year ten, I was trying desperately to procrastinate study for my forthcoming Maths exam and well, that was all that was left in the ‘young adult’ section of my local library that I hadn’t managed to get my hands on (I was what you’d call a bit of a bookworm back in the day…OK let’s be honest, that hasn’t changed).  It seemed OK, but I distinctly remember at the time being skeptical about a vampire called Edward.  How old fashioned!

Of course, as with every other 16 year old girl who picked up the book, I became obsessed.  I didn’t care that Edward was a fictional character, and that pretty much every characteristic he had was essentially Meyer giving the finger to proper vampire-lovers the world over, I was enthralled.  And when I found out six months later that there were two more books in the series available, with a third to be released?

Well.  Things got crazy.  Like I said, I was a super cool 16 year old.

Although I fit the demographic for Twilight to a tee, being a self-absorbed teenage girl who just wanted to fall in love with someone beautiful (and have them love me back so that I could laud it all over my peers, ha!), looking back it makes me sad that what gave me such joy then, doesn’t give it to me anymore.

Because, as I have sadly learnt, the older you get, the wiser you are…and the greater ability you have to detect badly produced work.

That basically sums up how I felt about Twilight by the time the 5th film came out.  But, for the sake of the series, and for the sake of my sixteen year old self, I dragged my arse and saw the final film.

OK, it wasn’t that bad the whole process.  My friend and I did, after all, quickly learn the joys of seeing a sub-par film.

The Good:

  • The twist.  The ending of the book is rather yawn-inducing, and would have been far worse in film form, so kudos to Bill Condon for adding that fun twenty minutes.  For those who haven’t seen the film yet, I won’t give it away, but expect some badarse moves from Alice.  Sweet.
  • The flashbacks.  I actually thought this was really sweet.  It was nice seeing the brief recapping of the past 5 films, basically summing up their relationship.
  • Taylor Lautner’s abs.  I’m not a Jacob fan but hey, I won’t say no.

The Bad:

  • The acting.  Which was never going to be a surprise, but it’s still…so bad.  I feel like actors from Home and Away and Neighbours would watch this film and shake their head in disgust.  Which is saying something.
  • The hunting scene.  What the hell was with the special effects?  Surely if they can produce a dozen highly detailed moving CGI wolves they can put a little more money into making Bella and Edward running fast.  I dunno what the heck the process was for this, but it looked like K-Stew and Rob Pattinson were told to run, in slow motion, in front of a blue screen.  Absolutely terrible.  And then, to make matters worse, we then had to witness K-Stew hunting, which reinforces my above comment about horrendous acting.
  • The storyline.  At times it was too slow, while at other times it seemed disjointed and unconnected, while even at times I felt like I was missing out on something.  I remember really loving the bit in the book where we find out everyone’s wicked cool talents, yet this was kinda ignored in the film.  Plus, considering Bella is a bit of a failure for the first 4 films, it would have been nice if they had emphasised the fact that she herself has a wicked cool talent that basically saves everyone’s lives because, since becoming immortal, Bella has become a bit of a boss.  But noooo
  • Bella’s lullaby.  It’s been 5 films, ten hours and who knows how many renditions of Bella’s freaking lullaby.  It was great in the first film, but that does not mean every director since then has the right to play it on repeat, minimum 10 times during each film, to reinforce the connection that Bella and Edward have.  Bad directors, bad.
  • The script.  What the hell Melissa Rosenberg?  How can you write such witty material for Dexter, only to produce lines like “Can I call you Dad?”  Just.  No.

While I realise my review is a tad harsh, and I know that some people actually really enjoyed it, overall I feel that the franchise let itself down.  While having screaming 14 year olds being associated with your brand is never going to be ideal, each new director that joined the team hasn’t made much of an effort to make their mark, except for different opening and closing credits.  Sure, it might be because I’m not a screaming teenager myself, but a large part of me knows that even sixteen year old wouldn’t be impressed…which is saying something, as, if I recall correctly, I also used to be a fan of My Chemical Romance.

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